For Tony Cond, writing a memoir was revelatory. “I’ve had a really good life,” he realized upon its completion. “This book is a culmination of me being able to say that to myself.”
One could do worse than having that kind of insight after revisiting the past.
Cond, retired from the Royal Canadian Navy, self-published his memoir, Rigged: The Misadventures of a Classic Wooden Sailboat, earlier this summer. The book centres on his family’s relationship with a classic 1947 wooden sailboat named Rufus and the boat’s serendipitous re-entry into Cond’s life after a prolonged disappearance.
A labour of love — he started it in 2007 and wound up writing more than 82,000 words — his book is in bookstores in Victoria, B.C., where he lives, and elsewhere, including Amazon.
Few memoirs will wind up on bookstore shelves, but writing one clearly appeals to many. Universities, public libraries, writing groups and others teach and coach the art of memoir writing; the internet brims with tutorials and instructional videos and books abound on how to do it.
Tackling your own memoir
What do you need to know about tackling your own?
Different from an autobiography in that it focuses on specific events or themes important to the writer rather than attempting to capture the broad sweep of one’s life, a memoir is “such a reward” for the author, says Viviane Edwards. A professor emeritus in education at the University of New Brunswick in Fredericton, N.B., she has led memoir-writing groups for more than a dozen years.
“For people like me in our later years, to remember and relive parts of your life that you want to think about, to reflect on, to analyze — ‘Why did I do this, why did I not do that?’ — writing your memoir kind of forces you to think about it. For many people, it’s cathartic and stimulating.”
Cond, who had spent many hours with his dad on the boat, agrees. “I was having so much fun remembering... I was finding it was therapeutic because it was very shortly after my dad’s passing that I was doing this.”
So, if you’re considering a memoir for whatever reason — to celebrate a key aspect of your life, to help you sort out a traumatic or other impactful event, to pass on some of who you are and what you’ve experienced to your descendants — it’s crucial that you commit to writing about something that’s significant to you and not shy away from the tough stuff.
“Start with the story that’s been eating at you, not with when you were born,” Edwards advises. “Have something you want to say.”
Your memoir also needs to relate your personal experience of events rather than a simple, chronological accounting of them. Emotional valence is key: revealing vulnerability; unveiling blunders, failures, crises; sharing insights — all these lend authenticity and accessibility to a memoir and give your writing heft and honesty.
Does that risk self-indulgence? “You are the hero of your story... write it as you wish,” Edwards says.
Every writer, of course, will need to decide for himself or herself whether they’ve slipped into cringe territory, although a second set of eyes on your draft might help you determine that. A reader will also help identify unclear text, spot gaps in the narrative and pinpoint the thousand other pitfalls awaiting any writer, professional or otherwise.
Rewriting is one way to re-assess
For Paul Bennett, a major revamp and expansion of his memoir helped crystallize the content. Retired from a career with Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada and other branches of the federal civil service, the Ottawa resident wrote the first version of his memoir during the reflective days of the COVID-19 pandemic.
“I felt I had something interesting and useful to say,” Bennett says. "In addition, I wanted readers to know that while not everyone is born into a fortunate situation, many of us do have opportunities come our way. I encourage readers to take advantage of these. I also wanted to share some of these experiences with my extended family.”
Having initially self-published his memoir in 2021, he subsequently decided to have a shot at working with a traditional publisher. That meant substantial research, increasing the number of stories in the book, deleting material that he realized was not relevant, and adding photos and footnotes (the latter a huge task, he says).
Rewriting the book, now titled Witness to Worlds: Lives of Duty, Discovery, and Resilience, and running to 50,000 words, took him six months of hard slogging to complete. The end result is a mix of reflections on places he’s visited or worked, major international events and personal and family stories. He’s now hoping for acceptance by a publisher.
Like Edwards, Bennett says context is key in memoirs, adding that he feels his describes how his first-hand experiences intersected with broader historical and cultural contexts.”
Challenges abound in memoir writing — from never having made notes when experiencing the events you want to cover to carving out time to reflect and write, marshalling details, being ruthless in editing and simply sticking with it.
To get over the humps, Edwards suggests a strict writing schedule. A “buddy system” — two people getting together, writing in separate rooms, breaking for lunch and then writing more — also keeps the motivation and creativity flowing.
In the end, she says reassuringly, “We’re just people telling our stories.”
Tips and resources
- Be willing to share emotions, vulnerabilities and insights: They connect readers with you.
- Don’t feel constrained by chronology and themes: a loose collection of stories can work just fine.
- Create scenes and dialogue if it helps give a setting to your stories.
- Remember Polonius’s words in Hamlet: “To thine own self be true.”